Item #1: Robin Hood in Reverse. Yes. He steals from the POOR (the cats) to give to the WEALTHY (Himself, and the Garbage God). I guess he COULD prefer whiskas to gerber, but let's not go there.
Item #2: The Dish Thief. Just when you thought it was safe to unload the dishes, he comes tearing in from the front room. With supersonic ears that can hear the creak of the opening dishwasher from anywhere on the upper floor, he comes to "HELP." He will steal your spoons and leave them only fit for another washing.
Item #3: The Book Vandal. Books quake when he enters the room. They would run and hide if they could. He stealthily sneaks up on the poor unsuspecting books and then WHAMMY!!! The books are yanked from their nice warm bins only to be drooled upon and crumpled. Despite trying to keep the drooling to board books, and the crumpling to a minimum there HAVE been some casualties.
Item #4: The Toilet Plunger. The bathroom door has been left open by a certain 5 year old who shall remain nameless. Mother is reading books to an attentive 2 year old unaware of the impending doom. Then, there comes the faint sounds of splashing and plops. The Toilet Plunger has struck again!! A rush to the bathroom ensues only to find multiple brushes, scrunchies, headbands, and various other items knocked onto the floor by 2 girls, all in the toilet while the Plunger wears a happy grin and splashes in the toilet that one can only PRAY the certain 5 year old remembered to flush. Much washing and sterilizing then takes place as one tries to erase the evidence of the Plunger.
Item #5: The Pooper Scooper. (You will all be pleased to note that I did NOT pose my child by the litter box to illustrate this alias, neither did I subject you to viewing my litter box online.) NEVER leave the kitchen unattended while the Pooper Scooper is headed that way. SURE, he may fall down the stairs, but it's more likely he will head to the litter box with nauseating results. I repeat, NEVER leave the kitchen unattended while the Pooper Scooper is headed that way.
You now have the evidence. So I ask you: Innocent Angel, or Evil Villian? Only YOU can decide.